Lark Ride to Shipbrookhill
Dear Sirs
I am an solicitor at law and have been retained by Messrs Lark, Peafowl and Birdbrain to communicate with the cycling club known as the ‘Macclesfield Wheelers’ in connection with a report that appeared under the heading ‘Larkling: Shipbrookhill’ in its online journal on 7 inst, namely the statement that The Larks never turned up so perhaps they’d had mechanicals? Or they were so fast they’d gone before we arrived?
My clients have asked me to notify you that 7 (no.) of them arrived – 8 (no.) having left the departure lounge – at the said cafeteria Riverside Organic at forty-one minutes after noon having ridden 34.3 (no.) miles with, indeed, as alleged, the traditional seven-minute roadside sojourn for an adjustment known technically, I believe, as rear mudguard rub, enabled by the on-team professional bicycle technician, Mr Riden Repair, whose fellow riders gasped with admiration and spontaneously threw plaudits of folding stuff at his overshod feet, as they watched him wield the leader’s eight millimetre spanner with the dexterity and finesse of a surgeon at the top of his game.
I trust that the evidence of till receipts will not be required. My clients are further at pains to point out that their overall journey speed would have been 15.0 (no.) miles per hour for all 58.6 (no.) miles until the ride leader, drunk on the heady wine of tea with soya milk, was foolhardy enough to insist on deviating from the designated path after ascending Mount Redesmere, only to witness quite how much slime one tubeless front tyre can deposit on School Lane, SK11 9PH.
Yours faithfully
Anna Torney